Record:Brifam's Counselling Session
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(Ropes are flung from the deck to the dock. A set of metallic stairs are lowered onto the jetty. Bookended by pairs of guards, a sexagenarian swiftly descends from the frigate, followed by his advisors. Mildly confused, he turns to one of them, who already knows what to do.)
Advisor Jeri Fromic: We'll wait here until we see a sign of Niueyjara royalty.
Advisor Parichi Chiwec: You did contact them by radio, did you not?
Advisor Fromic: I did indeed. Under what circumstances would I not have?
Acting Federal Foreign Minister Chuwe Brifam: Silence. I expect them to come soon.
(A swirling pattern of purple mist begins to form in front of the delegation, once it stops growing a man wearing the traditional garb of a servant of the Royal Niueyjara family steps out.)
Unnamed servant 74: If you would follow me, Her Majesty has prepared a room for your appointment.
AFFM Chuwe Brifam: Splendid, they've finally arrived.
(The sexagenarian follows the purple figures to the Royal Palace.)
(As the group steps through the portal they arrive at a room that has a set of comfortable looking chairs and sofas.)
Unnamed servant 74: Please have a seat. Her Eminence will be with you shortly. If you have need of anything please just say the word, and either myself or one of my compatriots will bring it for you.
(Chuwe Brifam sits down, his expression clearly disgruntled. His advisors follow suit.)
(There are no windows or clocks in the room. An uncertain period of time passes.)
(The minister's eyebrows deepen. His advisors, though slower to anger, also begin to feel a slight warmth, one that would later swell into a lingering anger. Their anger, like a fire, was stoked by every passing second, even if they could only estimate the seconds.)
(In a sudden flash of light Heidr appears dressed in the regalia of a queen.)
Heidr: Welcome to my royal abode, I assume that the servants were suitably subservient?
Brifam: They were indeed. Though their timing was somewhat lacking.
(He shifts in place, visibly somewhat uncomfortable.)
Heidr: Ah, yes, my apologies, he was just following the ancient traditions that state the time a foreign official should wait before meeting with a monarch. I'll have to have him krongled.
Brifam: Well, anyhow, you brought me here under a pretense of reducing my federation's "pent-up aggression". I'll have you know there is nothing of the sort!
(Demonstrating unexpected strength for a man of his age, he throws a chair in the queen's direction.)
Brifam: THERE IS NO "PENT-UP" AGGRESSION!
Brifam: IT'S ALL OUT IN THE OPEN!
(He's about to throw another chair, but Advisor Fromic intercedes between the two of them.)
Fromic: Minister, calm down!
Advisor Chiwec: Throwing chairs won't make this meeting progress any more smoothly.
Heidr: No, actually, go ahead and throw that one too, been meaning to get rid of that set. So last month.
Chiwec: I see you too are a connoisseur of furniture. You and Brifam have that in common.
(Chiwec is blatantly lying, but Brifam is too busy destroying furniture to correct her.)
Heidr: That's right, just let all that anger out.
(Fromic figures out what Chiwec is trying to do, and decides to go along with it.)
Fromic: Your Majesty, how did you become so good at counselling?
Heidr: I killed a therapist and ate their memories.
Fromic: You have a fair amount in common with the minister here.
Chiwec: He too killed someone to gain their skills.
(This is a half-truth: Brifam attempted to kill someone to gain their skills.)
Chiwec: This was around thirty years ago, before the calming of the seas; Brifam was a colonel in the Irachi military. This being forty years after the Federation unified the Caseic archipelago, the Irachi military was largely composed of strategic theorists.
Chiwec: General Cajiache was a genius among the generals: there was not a wargame that she could lose. For the past eleven years, she had risen through the ranks while Brifam was stuck as a colonel. Brifam developed a plan to kill her and access her documents. He was not aware that no such documents exist. His plan failed almost immediately: it turns out people sometimes turn around when you try to stab them in the back, especially when they're savvy to backstabbers. The court martial was swift: Brifam was dishonourably discharged the next day. Over the next thirty years, Brifam had grown to a postion of new power: as Acting Federal Foreign Minister, he was now in a meeting with foreign royalty.
Heidr: Hmmm strange, I don't hear the pained screams of an imprisoned soul coming from him...
Chiwec: He's successfully suppressed it.
Fromic: It was decades ago.
Chiwec: The soul has become part of him.
Fromic: He consumed it.
Brifam: What the hell are you two on about?
(The advisors were caught in the act: Brifam was onto their plan. The advisors make a hurried motion. Chiwec whispers to one of the servants.)
(Suddenly, a band walks in. Unbeknownst to Brifam, they had come with him on his journey.)
(From amongst the band, a middle-aged gentleman rises in a well-rehearsed manner. His clothing was notable in that it looked far better than anyone else in the room's. Brifam recognised the man immediately: he was the Duke of Prefichi.)
Duke Prebache XV: Greetings, your Majesty. 'Tis I: Duke Prebache of Prefichi, Ruler of the Duchy of Prefichi, Leader of the House of Fiwa-Cai and the 30th thereof, the Truest Servant of Chae Herself, Rightful Ruler of all Lands west of the Inward Bay, Denouncer of the Federation, the Union, Akaria, and Meat, Harbinger of the Calming's End, and Newly-Converted Venerator of the Dragon.
Duke Prebache XV: But you may call me your future consort
(He was acting less strangely than usual, which worried Brifam.)
(Heidr looks at the man confused.)
Heidr: What's a consortium?
Brifam: Ignore the fool, I have no clue how he got here. But seeing him recognised as the fool he is by someone of actual import does bring a smile to my face.
(Brifam glances at Heidr, then glances back.)
Heidr: Somehow I feel like we've gotten off topic.
Brifam: With the duke here, the topic no longer exists.
Fromic: Speaking of topics, how about improving relations?
Brifam: It's a better topic than your attempts to make me Niueyjara royalty, I'd say!
(Heidr slowly gets a more and more confused look on her face. She simultaneously sends a bolt of magic at the band that mutes their ongoing performance.)
Brifam: I apologise for the insolence of my advisors, and their attempts to trick me into becoming part of your royal family. I denounce their actions, and will have them suitably punished on my return to the Federation.
Heidr: I'm mostly confused on how they thought that tricking you into to thinking you were related to me would help improve relations. I mean, you don't even have 3 hearts! Even if they convinced you of such a delusion it would be easily disproven.
Brifam: I think they were trying to trick you into courting with me. Again, absurd.
Heidr: Indeed, how would me taking you to court make you into part of the Royal family? More likely it just gets you brutally killed for the crime of opposing the queen in court.
Brifam: Indeed, their plan is very strange.
(The duke kneels in front of Heidr. Heidr's guards suddenly burst into the room grabbing the duke and pinning him to the wall.)
Brifam: I believe we can unite with regard to our shared hatred of the duke. And his silliness. I propose an international alliance against Duke Prebache XV.