Story:National Champion!
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The following is a series of journal entries from competitive V'shi player Rranoq Midisa. Context has been added where necessary.
They let me in. I made it I made it!!! I made it!!!!!!!!! !! ! I made it in why am I wasting my time writing I should be practicing
― 1-6 62 PC
Okay wow past dawn already didn't know I was staying up that long okay okay okay. I'm still jittery. Should've slept but it's daytime now so I just gotta wait. I can't wait!!! Keep practicing
― 2-6 62 PC
I guess when I read all of this over in ten years I'll at least want something legible. Ignore those first two pages. Future Rranoq: is it nice being champion undefeated a decade running?
You know I had a crush on her for a while
(Space for you to write your answer)
― 4-6 62 PC
Been a few days, really have to get consistent with journaling otherwise what's the point. In Ishiq now, tournament starts in two weeks. Doesn't feel real writing that down but here I am. 1-7. That's the only thing in my head right now.
― 11-6 62 PC
Hopping around local clubs, playing about 20 games a day. I'll up that when the tournament's closer. Winning a lot, feeling good.
― 13-6 62 PC
You idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
― 16-6 62 PC
Okay obviously the losses aren't gonna affect me when I'm holding that medallion. The one yesterday two days ago though... stupid stupid stupid. It was some soothead idiot named Oro, I think, what kind of blueblood name is Oro for a kid living in Ishiq?, whatever that part doesn't matter but I'm still angry about it. I should've won that match, he was down to one Chief and I was at five (obviously), I've had a long few days and I blink my eyes and now suddenly I'm down to two, then one, then [illegible]
Stupid kid. Bet he got knocked out in the qualifiers, that's why he has to play at some poleshack local club.
Stupid kid. Bet he got knocked out in the qualifiers, that's why he has to play at some poleshack local club.
― 18-6 62 PC
Maybe I'll start writing my match records for the day, track my progress. Not like it's gonna be that helpful now, we're only a week out from the big day. Big days, plural? They don't always finish the whole thing from sunrise to sunset.
― 20-6 62 PC
23 wins 4 losses
― 21-6 62 PC
20 wins 3 losses
― 22-6 62 PC
26 wins 4 losses
― 24-6 62 PC
22 to 2. Don't think I've written it in here but Ishiq is the worst. Pretty from a distance and ugly up close. Lots of sootheads.
― 26-6 62 PC
I miss Mholos
― 27-6 62 PC
32 to 1. Pushed the wind out of myself but it was worth it!! Only 1 loss and only 3 days to go my heart is gonna tear itself out at this point I'm so excited. Got back to my place way past midnight but I don't want to sleep
― 28-6 62 PC
1-0. Only one game today, needed to get myself in the headspace. Couldn't let it be a loss.
― 29-6 62 PC
The opponent is my enemy.
I will outpace my enemy.
I will outsmart my enemy.
I will catch my enemy in my jaws and I will tear my enemy apart.
Little mantra for me. I added in that last bit. The players at QV Riqha didn't appreciate it, but how many of those wads are heading to the tournament tomorrow?
― 30-6 62 PC
After this entry, Midisa competed in the 62 PC Q'ar V'shi National Tournament. He was eliminated in the first round.
It's not fair
― 1-7 62 PC
Pioq. What a damn joke. Number 3 in the nation I'll still know who Pioq is in a decade what the hell is it with me. It's not fair. First damn round I'm up against Pioq. I know I'm the best, I know it but they didn't even give me the chance to warm up with some easy prey, I mean it's not like more than ten people there really know what they're doing, it's mostly fodder. The wads up at QV T'vaqi just have to give me Pioq. They don't want new talent to succeed.
― 1-7 62 PC
― 2-7 62 PC
Been a while since I picked this thing up. I reread it. I think I really got in my own head that month. I was probably a nuisance to everyone else. I probably deserved what I got.
I'm gonna do better.
I'm gonna do better.
― 15-8 62 PC
It was Ha'a who won, in case you don't remember. Third year undefeated.
― 16-8 62 PC
Writing stuff down again. No point in chronicling the last weeks, just my normal daily routine in Mholos. It's nice being back Now is when I need to start practicing if I'm gonna make it in next year, putting it on paper makes me accountable for it. I'm not a hypocrite.
― 12-9 62 PC
Told mom about what I've been feeling since the tournament ended. Anyway she told me writing how I felt would help. It's not helping so far really it's just dredging up things I wanna forget.
I still feel awful about the whole thing. Probably half the players at any club in Ishiq would slap me in the face if they saw me. Or maybe they wouldn't recognize me. Maybe I made up such a small fraction of such a big city in such a big world that it doesn't matter. And it never will.
I still feel awful about the whole thing. Probably half the players at any club in Ishiq would slap me in the face if they saw me. Or maybe they wouldn't recognize me. Maybe I made up such a small fraction of such a big city in such a big world that it doesn't matter. And it never will.
― 15-9 62 PC
Found a new local club here, unaffiliated with QV. It's kinda funny they call themselves you'll remember. Feels so good having a fresh start. Played a few games, won some lost some. Craziest part is I didn't even feel bad about losing.
― 18-9 62 PC
I do still feel a little bad about losing. That kid Iono, Iono T I think? He's their "star player" and I still haven't beat him. Not like he doesn't lose, and I've only been there a few days, but going to the club is already starting to feel like a chore.
― 20-9 62 PC
Got him!!! !! This is my lucky journal!!
― 21-9 62 PC
Been making friends. Mom's happy about that. They're nice, good at the game. Met them at the local club, one guy (big Q you know the one!!!) is apparently here on extended vacation from some blue town, said it was practically sinking into the ocean at this point. He's a funny guy, and what they say about the "coastal accent" really is true.
― 25-9 62 PC
Big Q has connections. Told me and the others he wanted to show us something, took us down this awful smelling stairwell inside what I think was a waste facility?, not sure what it was but I can still detect the stench on my clothes, worth it though because I've found my new club. I'll still be spending time at the local one but this new place is awesome.
Can't be more than 15 people there, including the five of us. They have regulation boards/pieces from I think as early as 45 (TT!), they even had a real corkboard set signed by Vinshasi (Tiso not Hrso), which is awesome but that goes without saying. All the players were nice, real dedicated to the game, great to play against. They meet once a week.
Can't be more than 15 people there, including the five of us. They have regulation boards/pieces from I think as early as 45 (TT!), they even had a real corkboard set signed by Vinshasi (Tiso not Hrso), which is awesome but that goes without saying. All the players were nice, real dedicated to the game, great to play against. They meet once a week.
― 2-10 62 PC
Of course he did. I can't have anything
Q invited Iono T to the place. Kid is starting to really get on my nerves. I meant Iono when I wrote that but honestly both are. He (Iono) always moves his hands like it's the last match he's ever gonna play, no one else seems to notice or care but I can't stand how twitchy he is, and every time his eyes scan the room they always settle on me.
Q invited Iono T to the place. Kid is starting to really get on my nerves. I meant Iono when I wrote that but honestly both are. He (Iono) always moves his hands like it's the last match he's ever gonna play, no one else seems to notice or care but I can't stand how twitchy he is, and every time his eyes scan the room they always settle on me.
― 12-10 62 PC
Beautiful weather today.
― 14-10 62 PC
Ditched the local club for a few days. Clearing my head.
― 17-10 62 PC
When I played as a kid, way before even the Exam, they all loved me. I was a prodigy to them. Six years old and barely giving my uncle a chance to breathe before I made each move. Nobody went easy on me after those first few rounds (didn't matter). I was their talent and of course they wanted to show me off. For a while I knew what it really meant to win. I don't know if I'll ever know that feeling again
― 20-10 62 PC
Things are getting better. I actually don't mind Iono much anymore.
Yesterday down at the real club we played a couple matches, we both won once. When I was about to leave he offered me something, a cup of something, black-brown and fragrant, said it's the secret behind how well he plays. I downed the cup. Of course I did.
― 23-10 62 PC
Iono invited me to his place. He's actually a pretty nice guy. Offered me some more of the "liquid" (his word for it) and we drank together and played a couple. Told me his dad divorced and remarried, and his dad's new girlfriend is a 20-something Deysachni, which we both agreed was creepy but Iono says it's where he gets the "liquid" so he doesn't complain and I guess I shouldn't either. I've just been so tired recently and whatever that stuff is helps. Anyway I'm much better than him when we're both on the "liquid" which is reassuring.
Mom asked where I've been. I guess I've been out a lot since I can count on one hand the amount of times I've talked to her in the past few weeks. Told her I was at a friend's place, which was true but it felt like a lie.
Mom asked where I've been. I guess I've been out a lot since I can count on one hand the amount of times I've talked to her in the past few weeks. Told her I was at a friend's place, which was true but it felt like a lie.
― 26-10 62 PC
Getting into a routine. More like a rhythm honestly. I've been to Iono's house three times now.
― 1-11 62 PC
Been up for at least a day and a half. I've seen two sunrises since I woke up. Doesn't matter because I don't want to sleep and I don't think I need to.
At the clubtoday yesterday I won every match I played. I almost felt it, you know that feeling (the feeling you'll know if when you accept that medallion). It's because of the "liquid" obviously. The stuff brings out the real talent in me.
At the club
― 3-11 62 PC
Falling asleep [illegible] early morning now. Doesn't matter (mom hasn't said anything).
― 7-11 62 PC
Ready to get it tonight!! !!
― 12-11 62 PC
Everyone else at the real club was acting weird. Big Q especially, I don't know what happened but he turned into the biggest damn prude can't believe we were friends a few weeks ago. I guess I must have gotten a little angry because he told me and Iono (Iono was acting the same as he normally does??) to leave and come back when we were "calmed down" which I suspect he meant both literally and in some other sense, though I don't know what and Iono didn't seem to care.
I said we should grab some "liquid" and visit my place since Iono hadn't been there but he said there was something he wanted to show me, so we stayed at his house again. Said his dad's girlfriend was giving him (his dad) this other kind of "liquid" that calmed him down and he hadn't yelled at Iono in days. And then he gave me a cup and downed some himself, I remember the consistency well, I dipped a finger in out of curiosity and the "substance" (that's what I'll call it) coated the finger in an oily layer. Iono said it smoothed out the jitters and he was right.
― 13-11 62 PC
Played a few at the local club today but Q wouldn't let me near him.
― 17-11 62 PC
I can't stand Q anymore. Funny how your feelings towards someone can change like that. Maybe it's the "liquid" and the "substance" talking but that doesn't change how he's been avoiding me for a week now. It's absurd honestly he'll actually scoot one doqon away if I get a doqon closer. Now that he can't beat me he's being petty, obviously he's got no future in the game
I don't want to write like that anymore. I don't want to be that person
I don't want to write like that anymore. I don't want to be that person
― 19-11 62 PC
They didn't let me in the real club. Said I'd been acting strange and they didn't want me there unless I cleaned myself up. I don't know why but I broke into a sprint away from that place.
I ran all the way to Iono's. Would've been no point in going back to the house. I didn't stay long, just asked him for some and left.
I ran all the way to Iono's. Would've been no point in going back to the house. I didn't stay long, just asked him for some and left.
― 22-11 62 PC
10 wins 5 losses. All at Iono's place.
― 26-11 62 PC
Turns out of you mix the "liquid" and the "substance" the "substance" will separate and form its own layer at the top. I had thought I was on to something.
― 30-11 62 PC
12 wins 4 losses.
― 2-12 62 PC
[empty] wins [empty] losses.
― 6-12 62 PC
Didn't go to Iono's yesterday. First time in a while I've gone a whole day without seeing him. Felt strange. Shaky
Spent a while talking with mom today. She seemed worried but never brought anything up that was really on her mind, I could tell. We mostly talked about meal plans for the next week (like I'm ever home when she's cooking).
― 7-12 62 PC
This journal is messing with my head.
― 10-12 62 PC
I've decided to make amends. First thing tomorrow morning I'll head to the local club and apologize to everyone (big Q included). I can't keep wallowing in regret like this
― 15-12 62 PC
Downed a glass of "substance" ready to apologize to the local club this morning and froze at the door. It just happened. I knew in an instant that if I opened that door I would be eviscerated, ink and pieces and "liquid" spilling out of me and into the floor, I don't know how I got that sense but it was so vivid and the outside was so cold and you could hear the wind on the windows and I couldn't move. I'm running out of stock and I'm gonna have to see Iono soon if I want any more. Which I do.
― 16-12 62 PC
Haven't played in over a week. It feels bad when I do but so much worse when I don't.
― 21-12 62 PC
Drank the last of my stash. No choice but to leave the house now. Happy Haracalnde New Year, Rranoq. Half a week early but who's counting?
― 24-12 62 PC
I have to get out of this house but I still can't
― 30-12 62 PC
Yelled a sea of profanities at the front door today before finally turning the hinge and kicking it open. I know it was all in my head but that doesn't make it any less real. Shuffled over to Iono's but he wasn't home. A tired old man answered the door but by then I was already walking back.
― 1-1 63 PC
He actually showed up to my house today. Iono did. He's never been to my place before, I didn't know he knew where I lived but I guess I must have let it slip without thinking on one of many long nights. I practically begged him to play a couple matches. He agreed and handed me a few bottles of both drinks (which is maybe what I was really begging for) and I brought out my own V'shi set. I hadn't played with it in over a year.
― 3-1 63 PC
Entries for the following three months are water damaged to the point of illegibility. Only one page remains somewhat preserved:
I've thought a lot about something recently.
In the fluttering motions of the sky we can only begin to discern the frenetic machinations of pure chance; the intangible force which encrypts our world, that being a world one could claim their own if they possessed the means to decipher it.
― 20-2 63 PC
The following entries, unaffected by water damage, begin on the date of Midisa's birthday.
Havata to all of that
― 3-4 63 PC
It's good to get my feelings out on here but I'm not that person anymore and looking at those pages was like staring into a pit full of nothing (and I mean nothing)
Mom wasn't home yesterday but today she fried some sweetbread for me. I missed her those months I was gone (not literally but you know what I mean).
Mom wasn't home yesterday but today she fried some sweetbread for me. I missed her those months I was gone (
― 4-4 63 PC
Drank the last of it. This time I mean it
― 6-4 63 PC
I am going to do better. I am going to be a better person and I am going to start playing again. I am writing it down so I am serious.
― 7-4 63 PC
Not many options for me. Looked around for a new club (a new start) but there's essentially nothing. My old spots are out of the question (can't risk seeing Iono again) and obviously I can't join any for kids still in an Academy. There's always the official QV club but there's gotta be a better option
― 9-4 63 PC
Damn it. Swallowing my pride and walking in to QV.
― 12-4 63 PC
Maybe it's not so bad.
Held my head low because I thought they'd all know me but nobody seemed to. It's been a year, I guess, and I look different. Paler, thinner. One kid I played kept pointing out that I was shaking which was annoying until I put him in his place. Kept his mouth shut after that.
Held my head low because I thought they'd all know me but nobody seemed to. It's been a year, I guess, and I look different. Paler, thinner. One kid I played kept pointing out that I was shaking which was annoying until I put him in his place. Kept his mouth shut after that.
― 13-4 63 PC
Someone recognized me today. Prepared myself for a tirade but she just reintroduced herself, smiled at me. I just tapped my heart and stared but she invited me over to her table and we played a few. I was grinning across my face by the time I left.
― 15-4 63 PC
It's funny how fast people forget.
― 17-4 63 PC
Shakes have been getting bad but I just need to keep playing and keep my mind off all of it. I've been to her table a few times now, played a few of her friends. Her name is Dimhiq. I had forgotten that.
― 19-4 63 PC
They displayed the scoreboard for the week today. I'm number 3 in the club, number 32 in Mholos. Felt surreal seeing my name up there after barely more than a week at the QV.
― 22-4 63 PC
Asked around about national rankings today. I know they come out at the end of the Haracalnde month, but I figured someone would have insider information. No luck there. Have to grit my teeth and wait.
― 23-4 63 PC
Two weeks without that stuff. Iono can keep it all to himself. I don't need him I never needed him
― 27-4 63 PC
Not a breath of sleep. I need to know. I'll be the first person on this damn island to look at that scoreboard
― 29-4 63 PC
310th.
[illegible]
― 1-5 63 PC
Slept for two days and dragged myself to QV soon as I woke up. Played as if my life depended on it. It sure feels like it does.
― 3-5 63 PC
People don't like me when I get competitive but Dimhiq is an exception. Played her nonstop today and after our last round (she beat me) I slumped down in my seat and looked at her eyes. She tapped her arm on her stomach for a while and looked back at me. I don't know what to make of that.
― 5-5 63 PC
Hey future me. Remember the shakes? Yeah, goddamn awful, I agree
― 7-5 63 PC
Club's closed tomorrow but the weekly scoreboard is up the day after. Played from sunrise to sunset today (catch up on sleep tomorrow) to give my ratings one last bump.
― 10-5 63 PC
Still 3rd in the club but 16th in Mholos. Progress.
― 12-5 63 PC
No choice but to humble myself in front of the club's star player today. If I'm gonna be the best I need to beat the best.
― 15-5 63 PC
I can feel myself rising up the ranks. I'm willing it to happen I'm gonna make it up there!!! !! And she'll see it all
― 18-5 63 PC
Dimhiq and I went on a walk today.
Mholos is warming up and it smells nice outside. I was silent for a while before she spoke up and we exchanged basic information for a bit. She's an only child, CC30 (same caste!), parents still together. Besides the introductions, I didn't really have much to talk about but the game. How I find peace in it, or something close to that. More like satisfaction, a deep primal sort of satisfaction that feeds the basic urge to win, to wrench victory from the jaws of your opponent (your enemy) and decimate them so utterly in the process that a wisp of ash is all that remains.
I told her it comforted me. It comforts me that you can never really consider everything, analyze every possible move you can make, consider all the paths of every piece. You'd go insane. All you need to do is examine the right move, the right path, and you possess the means to decipher the world and claim it as yours.
― 20-5 63 PC
Last scoreboard before the big one. I'm up to 2nd in the club now (lucky streak against the star player) and 13th in Mholos. Climb a little higher. I need a guarantee.
― 22-5 63 PC
I don't want to get my hopes up but I might actually make it. Only a single loss today.
― 24-5 63 PC
Dimhiq is really excited, told me she'd come along if I qualified. I told her I would, if not for myself then for her. She liked that I think.
― 25-5 63 PC
Nauseous.
― 28-5 63 PC
I could vomit but that's the least of my worries. In a little while I'll know.
― 30-5 63 PC
!!!!!!!! !!!! !! !!!!!!!
Rranoq is back!!! I mean it this time !!
Rranoq is back!!! I mean it this time !!
― 1-6 63 PC
Mom and Dimhiq knew as soon as I did but I was out for almost the whole day after I saw my ranking. Needed to catch up on sleep and I guess they knew that because neither woke me up but they both hugged me as soon as I saw them. I told mom about her and she seemed happy about it so I got transport and a room for Dimhiq and I in Ishiq. I guess this is happening
I guess I'll redeem myself.
I guess I'll redeem myself.
― 2-6 63 PC
Settling down in soot city. Every year the smoke gets thicker.
― 5-6 63 PC
Found a club to practice in. I won't push myself (I want to, but I won't). It messed with my head last year.
― 7-6 63 PC
10 wins 1 loss
― 9-6 63 PC
I keep thinking about Oro, the kid who beat me last year. I didn't put it down here but I got pretty angry after that match. I don't really remember what I did but it made Oro angry as well and that's why I never went back to his club. What would I do if I saw him today? What would he do?
― 12-6 63 PC
11 wins 2 losses
Dimhiq loves this city. I don't know what she sees in it.
Dimhiq loves this city. I don't know what she sees in it.
― 14-6 63 PC
We went out for food together today. She said she'd like to live here one day, which I laughed at until she said she was serious and then I didn't really know what to say. But then she laughed too
― 16-6 63 PC
14 wins 2 losses
― 17-6 63 PC
It's all real. This is actually happening. I have a second chance and I'm not going to waste it.
― 19-6 63 PC
20 wins 3 losses. Said I wouldn't push myself but I can't waste this opportunity. Keep practicing
― 22-6 63 PC
She's a little worried about me. I would honestly be worried for myself too. But I'm doing this for her.
― 23-6 63 PC
23 wins 2 losses
― 25-6 63 PC
Five days left. Shakes were calming down for a while but now they're coming back. I really am nervous.
― 26-6 63 PC
She said today she was just grateful for the trip and it didn't matter how I did. Nice of her to say but of course she wants me to win. I want me to win. So that's what I'll do.
― 28-6 63 PC
0 wins 1 loss
Against her. She thinks I let her win but I know I didn't.
Against her. She thinks I let her win but I know I didn't.
― 29-6 63 PC
This is it. I'm going to get some rest and wake up and it'll be the day
I'm not who I was a year ago and I know that. I'm doing better. I get angry sometimes but I haven't pushed anyone away. I have her now and it makes all the difference.
Thank you mom and thank you Dimhiq and thank you Q and thank you Oro and even thank you Ishiq. And maybe even thank you Iono.
― 30-6 63 PC
After this entry, Midisa competed in the 63 PC Q'ar V'shi National Tournament. He made it through the first round but was eliminated in the second.
[illegible]
― 1-7 63 PC
Midisa's journal was found tossed in a trash receptacle outside of the tournament building.